Some folks who did the boot camp lost crazy amounts of weight–the top female loser was over 30#s and the top male was over 47#s!! So, at first I was a little disappointed in my “only” 9 pounds.  But, the disappointment did not last long for several reasons:

1. I’ve been losing (and gaining) weight consistently for 9 years now.  My average is usually a half a pound a week due to hypothyroidism frakking with my metabolism. So 9 pounds in 8 weeks is awesome for me.

2. When I started the program, I wrote down my goals, which were: “Lose 10 pounds.” “Lose 5″ off my waist.” “Lose 5% body fat.” “Establish healthy habits with eating and exercise.”  I am only 1 pound and 0.2% away from those numbers, and I HAVE established healthy habits with eating and exercise. So, I consider my goals met. Which, again, is awesome!

3. I started the boot camp because I hadn’t been seeing much results doing it on my own.  I just looked back at my progress before boot camp and compared it to my progress during boot camp.  And, you know what? I am at my lowest weight and smallest waist measurement since I started working on getting it off again in 2009. I am seeing progress again, which is awesome!

4. With what I’ve lost during boot camp and what I was able to lose on my own from June 2009 until I started boot camp, I am down 45.4 pounds from my all-time highest.  45 POUNDS!!!!!! 

5. Even with my “ONLY” 9 pounds, I tied for 4th place in the # of inches lost by women competition.

It was easy to think that “I ONLY lost 9 pounds”, especially since it seems like I have so much more to go, until I put all of that together. Now, I’m going to be proud of losing 45 pounds, and I’m going to be confident that I can get the rest of this off.

I’m not really sure how much the rest is.  To get to what was my ‘goal’ weight last time, it’s another 62 pounds.  But, I’m beginning to question just what my goal weight should be.

You know, there are all these charts based on BMI that tell you what your weight should be based on your height.  If I go by that, to be healthy, I need to lose another 86#s.  But, I’m not so sure that being at that weight is right for ME.  I really hate the BMI scale because it doesn’t take into account anything but your height and gender, and it’s really meant to be used on a group of people, not individuals.

But, what’s got me confused is my body fat percentage.  The American Council on Exercise says women’s should be 14-31%. The American Dietetic Association recommends that women have 20-25% body fat.  As of right now, mine is 26%, which means that I’m already there!

Wha????  If you go by my weight and my BMI, I am technically considered “OBESE”.  Seriously? How the heck can I be obese but have a healthy body fat percentage?

I know I need to lose more. For one, I’m hovering right at the edge of plus size clothing. One of my goals is to be able to walk into any store and try on clothes, not just the stores that carry plus-size clothing. I also have quite a bit of fat on my belly/hips, what many people call an “apron”, that I want to decrease.  (I know I’ll never lose it all because much of it is excess skin that will have to be removed via surgery, but I was wearing pants that are 4 sizes smaller than I wear now when I lost 107#s before, so I know I can get into a smaller size.)

But, right now, I’m just going to focus on the next 10 pounds, not on what the total final # is. I figure the closer I get to it, the more it will “feel” like the right number.

So, boot camp is over, but the work isn’t.  I’m going to scale back a bit on the intensity, but I am still working on eating right and exercising right. And, I thank the Meltdown Boot Camp for giving me the tools I need to keep it going!

Since the boot camp is somewhat of a competition, after every 2 weeks we get a list of the folks who have lost the most weight and the most inches. The people in the “most weight lost” lists are amazing…I think the #1 male has lost almost 40 pounds now, and the #1 female has lost almost 25.  So, I figured I’d never end up on any of these lists.  But, there I was…#3 on the “most inches lost” list!  WTH?? Me, with my 9.4 pounds, quite measly when compared to 25?? How can that be?

But, it makes sense. In my last post I talked about how I was noticing muscle definition. That has to be because I’m losing fat that shows off those muscles. And, because the space that used to be taken up by that fat is now being taken up by those muscles.  And, no, it’s not because “muscle weighs more than fat”. That is a myth. A pound of muscle weighs exactly the same as a pound of fat. The difference in muscle and fat is that a pound of muscle takes up less space than fat.  This is a good illustration. Both of the representations of fat and muscle in this picture weigh exactly the same. But, notice the difference in SIZE:

That’s why if you replace fat with muscle, you can fit into smaller clothes sizes. I am now wearing the same size clothes that I wore in college, but I weigh more than I did back then.

And, I’m very okay with that!

Vacation Report…
We spent 4 days in the Smokey Mountains. While we had an awesome time, I was very glad to get back home so that I could start eating healthily again! I ended up not being able to follow the Boot Camp eating plan while there.

I swear, they have no idea what vegetables or fruits are in Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg, TN. The only veggies I ever saw on the menus were corn and potatoes, which are not allowed on the Meltdown. I did find green beans once, but they were swimming in butter and big chunks of fatty pork. The only fruit the restaurants had were bananas, again not part of he Meltdown. I found a vegetable soup at one restaurant that had carrots in it and was so excited! LOL Of course, it was served with a “double-decker grilled cheese sandwich”.

Most of the restaurants there are all-you-can-eat buffets with fried chicken, BBQ, french fries and tons of sweets. It was so difficult to try to eat right. If I had the capital, I’d open an organic vegetarian restaurant down there! They totally need one.

I did splurge and enjoyed some things I wouldn’t normally, like sweet tea and ice cream once. But, I felt like I needed to detox to get all the fat and salt out of my system when I got back! My ankles actually swelled up one day because I was eating so much salt I wasn’t used to.

I have to say, when we were in Gatlinburg, I was saddened at the large number of SEVERELY obese folks that I saw. Considering the food served there, it’s not surprising, though.

Luckily, we did a heck of a lot of walking and hiking in the mountains on some steep trails, so I did keep to my exercise schedule. I had to weigh-in 2 days after we got back. Not surprisingly, I had a gain of 3 pounds.  BUT…I had lost another inch off my waist over the previous 2 weeks and I lost 4% body fat over the previous 4 weeks.  So, that weight gain was due to all the salt and bad food from vacation.

Since vacation…
Two days after I got back, I had a root canal and a filling done at the same time. So, eating was a bit of a problem. I was not able to eat much for a day. And, it seems that since then, my motivation and determination has been waning.

Last week was the start of phase 3 of the Meltdown Boot Camp. And, I’ve been struggling to follow the food plan as it’s gotten more restrictive and takes a hell of a lot of time to plan. It requires a lot of protein shakes, too, which I REALLY don’t like. I spent the weekend at a music festival and REALLY hated having to follow this food plan. It was SO not easy in that environment.

Also, the amount of exercise we’re supposed to get in has increased. Last week I worked really hard to meet the goals, but this week it’s a struggle. Every day this week I haven’t wanted to get out of bed in the morning. Monday I did an evening workout class to make up for it, but yesterday was a total wash with exercise.  Today, I had an internal struggle as I laid in bed for about an hour. But, I finally made myself get up and use my Treadclimber for 40 minutes. And, I’m glad, I did. I have a lot more energy today.

I’m wondering if the 6th week of this program is as hard for everyone else. I guess I’m getting bored and the ‘newness’ is wearing off? I have only 2 more weeks to go after this, so I’m going to stick it out. But, I’m not expecting a great weigh-in this Sunday because of the struggles these 2 weeks.

But, it hasn’t been all bad…
As I said, even during vacation I lost inches and body fat, so I’m very happy there.

But, I have also been noticing some serious muscle definition in my body that wasn’t there before I started the Boot Camp. Here’s a picture taken of my husband and me during our vacation (we were on our way to go zip lining):

It’s not the most flattering, but you know what the first thing I noticed when I saw it? Look at my right armpit area (ignore that you can see part of my bra…obviously it’s time to get smaller shirts–another good thing LOL). Those are muscles, my friends! MUSCLES! I’ve never seen muscles like that there before!

Here’s another picture from our vacation:

This is probably one of the first pictures of me in shorts that my immediate reaction was NOT “ewwww….look how fat my legs are!” Actually, I saw this and thought, “hmmm…my legs look thinner!?”

And, speaking of legs, I got an awesome compliment on them from a total stranger while I was at the music festival this past weekend. I was wearing shorts (again something I used to NEVER do…I always wore skirts or capris), and a girl came up to me and said “You have amazing legs!” I must have given her a weird look and she said, “No, I’m serious. Your legs are so strong!”

I have never, ever, ever been told I have amazing legs before.

So, even though I’m struggling through it this week, I do see that there are benefits. And, I am going to stick with it!

• The recommended exercise regime requires a lot of intervals, which I like. I started doing High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) to train for a 5k about a year ago and saw great results. The tool I used to do HIIT back then has been invaluable for me when I do the required Tabatas and High Impact Cardio (HIC) (which is really just HIIT) on my own.  So, if you are an iPhone geek like me, I HIGHLY recommend the Seconds iPhone app. It’s programmable so you can set your own timing for the intervals, and if you use headphones at the gym like I do, you won’t annoy other gym-goers with the frequent beeping.

• Emerald’s Cocoa Roasted Almonds and Cinnamon Roasted Almonds are DA BOMB!! It feels like you’re cheating when you eat these!

• The new HuHot Mongolian Grill on East 3rd Street (where Cheeseburger in Paradise used to be) is very Meltdown friendly, as long as you are careful with the sauces. It’s also reasonably priced.

• I am finally eating the way I’ve KNOWN I should for years but never could manage to do so. Heck, I’m eating way better than I did when I lost 107 pounds on Weight Watchers! I’m eating tons of veggies, only good carbs and good fats, and no processed foods (except for the protein bars). When I was on Weight Watchers, I still ate processed foods and bad carbs and fats, just in smaller quantities. Actually, I used to skip veggies so I could ‘save my points’ for that ice cream treat at the end of the day.

•  I’m enjoying cooking and eating the foods I’m eating now quite a bit. Last night I made a homemade soup that was pretty simple but full of veggies and it was just SO satisfying…both emotionally and physically! Last week, there was a day that was rough at work and I got home late. Usually on those days, I would have grabbed pizza or Chinese take out on the way home because I didn’t feel like cooking, but last week that thought never crossed my mind. I went right home and started cooking.

• I’m finally getting the proper amounts of sodium and potassium in my diet. I have high blood pressure that I recently had to go on meds for, and as a result, my doc told me to decrease my sodium and increase my potassium. I tried to do that on my own for about a month before starting the Meltdown, and failed miserably. But now, I’m not even really paying attention to those things, but because my diet is so much more healthy, the salt’s been decreased and the potassium has been increased naturally.

• The protein bars are an awesome substitute for that nightly sweet treat that I used to satisfy with ice cream or candy bars.

• I am not hungry (most of the time). I have to add that last part because until yesterday, I hadn’t felt hungry at all, or if I had, it was usually right before it was time to eat another one of the many small meals I eat every day. But, yesterday I was VERY hungry all day. Upon reviewing my food and exercise logs, I think the problem is I just didn’t eat enough during my mini meals and because I had exercised twice the day before. Today, I haven’t been hungry at all. I sure can’t say that about my experience with any other diet, especially Weight Watchers.

• I’m constantly impressed by the members of the ‘Meltdown Nation’ I’ve encountered. Not only by the shear numbers–every class I’ve attended has been full, the # of Facebook fans is over 500 (and considering Btown is a relatively small town, I think that’s impressive), there’s a number of people I’ve discovered at work who have done or are doing the boot camp–but also by the determination and motivation and inspiration of the individual members of the Meltdown Nation. That alone says to me that this program is not just some fad.

• The only way I can get in the recommended amount of water is for me to chug 16 to 28 ounces at a time. If I fill a glass or bottle with water and intend to slowly sip it, it never happens. I don’t know why. It’s also easier to chug room-temperature water than it is to chug cold water.  And, it’s easier to drink more if you use a straw. Also, I’m a water snob apparently. I cannot stand the taste of tap water or the water that comes out of most fountains (because it’s tap water). Thank goodness for filters! I am SO going to get me one of those Brita filter water bottles!

• I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to come off of my earned day, meaning that the day after I would want to continue to over eat and eat bad stuff. But, scheduling a double exercise day for the day after seems to keep me from giving in to that worry.

• I don’t do well with afternoon or evening exercise. I’ve been a morning exerciser for several years now and it always gives me energy to make it through the day. I’ve exercised after work a couple of times while doing this program and I always feel so much more tired afterwards and find actually doing the exercises a lot harder. It’s also much easier to make excuses to not do the exercise at the end of the day, but it’s a great feeling to look at the clock at 4pm and see that it’s time to go home and I DON’T have to exercise because I’ve already done it! I plan to do a few more double exercise days on the day after my earned day, so that will require evening workouts. But, I’ll happily do the majority of my exercise in the mornings.

• I’ve decided that if when I get through these 8 weeks, I am going to reward myself by getting a full-body massage.

WOW   That’s over 3 and a half pounds a week. My average is usually about a half pound a week. I am VERY pleased with this!

After weigh-in, it was ‘cheat day’, as everyone in the program calls it. It’s what it sounds like…you can eat anything you want all day.  I was talking about it with my husband and he made a very astute observation–calling it a “cheat day” makes it sound like something bad and is not really truthful. Since you’re allowed to have anything you want, you’re not really cheating.  He suggested calling it my “Earned Day”, since I earned a break after being so strict for 2 weeks.  I like it! So, I will call it my “Earned Day” from now on.

I started my Earned Day at Starbucks with a full-fat, full-sugar latte and slice of a baked good. Then, we went to a local restaurant that had a Sunday Brunch. I wasn’t expecting it, but the buffet included items that were less-bad than I expected–they had only turkey bacon instead of the real stuff; their gravy for biscuits and gravy was NOT sausage based, and there was a lot of fresh fruit.  I found that my stomach has shrunk because I had only one plate, whereas in the past I usually made multiple trips to buffets. I also kept to my 3-bite rule* that I practice at buffets when I don’t want to over eat, even though this time I didn’t care if I overate. But, since I wanted to try so many different things, and I felt myself getting full, I figured that was the best strategy to try as many different dishes as I could.

After brunch, we actually burned a few calories by going for a 4.5 mile bike ride! I wasn’t planning to exercise on my day off, but my hubby and I haven’t been riding much due to the excessive heat, and when he suggested we ride in the morning while it was still cool, I couldn’t say no.

I probably burned some more calories when I spent the next several hours cleaning my house. But, then I nullified all of that by going to Mother Bear’s and gorging on pizza and garlic bread with cheese.  Hey, it was Earned Day, so I feel no guilt and I enjoyed every last bite.  Mmmmmmm, Mother Bear’s!!

But, this morning, my tummy sure didn’t feel all that great! Luckily, that didn’t last too long! I’ve also been rather thirsty all day, and since I didn’t track my water intake yesterday, I’m sure I didn’t have enough, as well as had waaaaaaaay too much salt. I still managed to get up at 4:30am so I could be in an exercise class at 6am, and I’ve been sticking to the Phase 2 menu that started today with no problems.

I’m also making today a double-exercise day. In addition to this morning’s class, I’m doing another one after work. It’s one of the suggestions in the program, though not a requirement. I know I don’t have time to exercise more than once a day on most days, but I do have that time today, and I’m so encouraged by the results of the first 2 weeks that I’m willing to give it a try.  I’ve given myself permission to take tomorrow off of exercise if I need to (if I’m too sore), also. But, if I’m not too sore, I’ll be hitting the gym in the morning.

Part of the reason is we’re going on vacation next week and I’m not sure how much exercise I’ll be able to get in. I hope to use the gym at the hotel, but I’ve said that many times before and haven’t done it. So, just in case, I’m going to get as much exercise in this week as I can.

I’m also trying to psych myself up to eat according to the Meltdown plan while on vacation as well. But, that’s a post for another day…

* My 3-bite rule was stolen from a Weight Watcher meeting many years ago. Basically, whenever I go to a buffet, I allow myself to have anything I want from it, but only 3 bites because those are the most flavorful. After that, the taste diminishes. This helps you enjoy the food more, as well as control portions.

The thing I’ve found the most troublesome is I’m spending way more time than I’d like planning and prepping for the days/week ahead. I figure it would take some time planning, but didn’t expect THIS much. Last weekend when I went to the grocery, it took me about 3 hours to figure out what my meals for the upcoming week would be and then to translate that into a shopping list. However, I realize that part of it is me getting used to the program, since this an almost-completely different way from eating than I had been. And, it does feel like I’m “getting the hang of it” now, so I anticipate that it won’t take as much time in the subsequent weeks.

Regarding how I feel physically: Days 3 and 4 were especially hard. On day 3, I spent the day at Holiday World in the 95+ degree heat and sun. At the end of that day, I felt pretty crappy. I know I had been walking a heck of a lot and riding roller coasters in the sun and heat all day, but I’m pretty sure I was more than tired…I felt queasy and weak and dizzy, and I don’t usually feel that way after a day of coaster-riding. After a good night’s sleep, I felt fine on day 4. But, then after work I did class at NGPT that I found rather difficult. And, after I got home from that, I again felt queasy and weak and dizzy. I later saw on one of the ‘Meltdown Chronicles’ videos on the NGPT YouTube page that others have felt that way, and it was due to the drastic diet change. So, I think days 3 & 4 were when my body was detoxing the most, because since then, I have not felt queasy, weak, or dizzy. I just wish I would have known beforehand that the first few days would have me feeling like that. I would have waited to go to Holiday World and do such a challenging class had I known.

The only other complaint I have so far is that I am SORE! Every muscle in my body hurts and has been hurting since I started on 7/25. I was not new to exercising before doing the boot camp (I’m a casual runner and I strength trained twice a week with a partner). But, the NGPT classes have me doing new-to-me exercises in new-to-me-ways, so I’m using my muscles more and in different ways than I was used to. But, ultimately, that’s the point, right? I just hope that the soreness goes away sometime soon!

All in all, I’m pleased so far. I expected it to be harder to follow the diet than it has been, and I expected that I wouldn’t be as motivated to exercise as I have been. Thankfully, both of those expectations were wrong.

As a matter of fact, I am actually excited to get on the scale and have my measurements taken on Sunday. I’m sure I’m going to see some kind of positive result. It’s been a long time since I’ve said that! But, last night, as I was sitting on the floor playing with my kitties, I actually saw my leg muscles! Usually, when I look at my legs, all I see is fat. I know my legs are probably the strongest part of my body, since I’ve been running for a few years. And, I’ve noticed my quad muscles before when I was strength training in front of a mirror before, but usually only when I was doing some kind of move that made them stand out. Last night, I was just sitting on the floor and I could see them! I’m shocked–but happy–that after only 1 and a half weeks I’d see such progress!

(Of course, I am also looking forward to Sunday because it’s my cheat day, too LOL I can almost taste that pizza now…. )

As I said in my previous post, the Meltdown is program that was developed by a local physical trainer that focuses on fat loss. It incorporates an aggressive exercise plan with a nutritional plan that focuses on reducing or eliminating things like sugar, carbs, processed foods and soda by eating many small meals throughout the day that are high in protein, veggies, and “good fats”. There are also support and accountability components, as you communicate via email daily and weekly with your food and cardio coaches, respectively.

Anyone can start the Meltdown at any time. The boot camp is where they take about 50 people who want to do the Meltdown, and they have them all start at the same time. Then, for the next 8 weeks, all those people work the program together. And, it’s a bit of a competition. There are prizes given away at the end for the the most weight, inches, and body fat percentage lost.

Oh yeah, you get weighed once every 2 weeks, but are encouraged NOT to step on the scale any other time.

Basically, it’s the way that most ‘experts’ suggest you should eat, the way I’ve been trying (unsuccessfully) to eat for a few years now. But, my diet tended to include too much processed/convenience foods and sugar and most definitely not a lot of veggies. Even though I KNOW how I should eat, I wasn’t doing it. So, that’s probably the main reason why I decided to do this. I need help getting my diet to what it should be. I just can’t do it on my own. So, my hope is that over the 8 weeks I’m doing the program, my tastes and my habits when it comes to picking food will change. Is it too much to ask that when I’m craving something sweet I naturally reach for strawberries instead of a chocolate bar??

I had, however, been doing pretty well with exercise on my own, so I figured that wouldn’t be a big deal. I was already in the habit of getting up early and exercising before work. My workouts typically were running for cardio and weight lifting for strength training, with a few exercise classes thrown in here and there.

So, here I am, a week and a half into it. And, regarding my goal to eat better in the long run, I do think it’s working. I’ve really been enjoying my food. I’ve done diets that were so bland and boring that they lasted only a few days, and, honestly, that’s kind of what I expected this to be like. But, I have found myself being rather creative when I’m cooking and pretty much everything I’ve eaten since I started tasted GOOD! Last night, even my husband raved about the scallops I cooked (which were simply sauteed in olive oil, parsley, and red pepper flakes).

I’ve also found that I am NOT hungry most of the time. Can’t say that about other diets. And, if I find myself getting hungry, I look at the clock and see that it’s only a few more minutes until it’s time to eat my next small meal anyway. I never thought eating more meals would be the thing for me. But, I was wrong.

Now, the exercise…boy was I wrong! I have been SORE ever since I started this program. And, when I do work out, whether in their classes or on my own following their guidelines, I sweat more than I ever have. I’ve increased the amount of time I spend exercising each day from 30 minutes to an hour, and I’ve consistently exercised 6 days a week, when before I usually did 4. So, I’m actually glad I was wrong on that front. I needed a good kick in the butt when it came to my exercising.

Oh, I almost forgot! In the eating plan, you get cheat days and cheat meals! Once every 2 weeks (after you’ve weighed in), you can eat ANYTHING you want that whole day! And, on the weeks you don’t weigh in, you get one cheat meal that week. I have already been fantasizing about what my first cheat day will hold. And, it’s this coming Sunday, by the way LOL Honestly, I think that may be one thing that is helping me stick to the somewhat-limited food list. Knowing that I don’t have to say no to cheese or beer or chocolate or curry or any of my other favorite “bad” food permanently seems to make it easier to say yes to the veggies I used to avoid.

Don’t get me wrong, though. It hasn’t all been glitter and unicorns. I have struggled with some things. But, I think I’ve written enough for today. So, in future posts, I’ll talk about some of the negatives I’ve encountered (but, obviously, they can’t be all that bad, if I’m still doing it, right?)

*BTW, the title of this post is the mantra for this program. Ever since I started the boot camp, I’ve been wearing a bracelet with those words on it, so I’ve also made it my personal mantra for the time I’m doing this.

Perhaps I was lazy. Perhaps I was busy. Perhaps I just didn’t have anything to blog about. I don’t know. But, it doesn’t matter. Because I’m back. And, I think I’ve got something to blog about now that will produce posts on a more regular basis.

(Side note: I’ve changed the template for this blog, so it looks quite a bit different, if anyone happens to remember it LOL I figure it’s kind of like a fresh start. But, all my old content is still here–not that there was much of it anyway.)

What is it I want to blog about? Well, anyone who knows me or looks through the archives of this blog will see that I’m a professional at losing (and gaining) weight. For most of my life, I have lost, gained, lost, gained, lost…you get the picture.

About a week and a half ago, I started a new effort at getting the weight off again. Over the past 10 days while focusing on this new effort, I’ve frequently thought something, then thought “I should blog about that!” So, that’s what I’m going to do.

A quick history: I’ve been overweight and/or obese for almost as long as I can remember, and I’ve been trying to lose weight (and regaining it) for almost as long as that. From 2003 – 2006, I finally saw success and lost 107 pounds by following the Weight Watchers program. I maintained that weight for about a year until I started grad school full time while still working full time. In the 2 years I was in grad school, I gained pretty much all of what I lost back. So, I began anew when I finished grad school in May, 2009. I managed to lose 40 pounds over the next 2 years on my own (no more Weight Watchers for me) by exercising and tracking my food on SparkPeople. But, over the past few months, I started gaining again. My total loss is now at 37 pounds.

I have a coworker who lost 30 pounds, and I’ve been impressed with her results. So, a couple months ago I asked her what she was doing and she told me a little about a program she was following that was developed by a local physical trainer. I did a little research on it and saw that I would have to purchase it and decided I didn’t need to spend the money and would just keep plugging away on my own.

But, I just gained and lost and gained and lost on my own. I was getting really frustrated when that coworker sent me an email inviting me to join her at a free exercise class. So, I took her up on it. I was quite impressed with the class, especially the fact that it was so full at 6am! I revisited the idea about the program she had done and decided to make the plunge.

On Monday, July 25th, I began the “Meltdown Boot Camp” at Next Generation Personal Training & Fitness in Bloomington, IN. And, that’s what you can expect my future blog posts to be about.

I know I’m not a fan of long blog posts, and this one has gotten longer than I wanted, so I’m going to stop there for today. In subsequent posts, I plan to explain a little about what the program is (but I can’t tell you too much about it, as it is copyrighted material) but mostly I think I’ll be describing my experience with and results on it.

Until next time…

So, from November through January, I concentrated on getting to the point where I could run 3 miles without having to walk. Then, I started officially training training for the Mini at the beginning of February, slowly ramping up my miles. My routine was to do two training runs during the week and a long run on the weekends.

It started out well. But, as my mileage has been increasing, I’ve begun to really struggle, and I’ve especially been dreading my longer runs, mainly because I have to devote so much time to them.

I am a very slow runner. I really can only find an hour for exercise during the week, and all I can get done in that hour is 4 miles. I should be doing 6 miles right now on my weekly training runs, and since that takes me 90 minutes, but I only have 60 minutes in the morning to spare, I’m behind. And, on the weekends, I’m having to devote 2 hours to just running.

Another problem is that when I do the longer runs on the weekends, I’m utterly exhausted afterward. I get done with the run, go home, and nap for a couple of hours, and when I get up, I’m sore and I don’t feel like doing anything. So, my entire day is shot. I’m looking at my upcoming social calendar, and pretty much all of my weekends are booked, and I honestly have no idea how I’m going to be able to devote 2+ hours to running plus the time it takes to recover from that run every weekend.

And, probably the most important thing here is that I am no longer enjoying running. I have found myself dreading having to do a training run. And, when I get done, I’m sore and tired. I don’t have that feeling of accomplishment because I still have so much farther to go to be ready, yet it doesn’t feel like I’m making progress. That’s what I miss the most…enjoying the run and the feeling afterward.

So, I’ve made a decision. I am not going to run the Mini. I’m going to concentrate in improving my pace and I will instead run the Indianapolis 500 5k, which is the same day as the Mini. This way, I’ll still get to run and I still have something to work toward to keep me motivated to keep going to the gym. But, I won’t have to devote so much time to exercise, and I hope to begin enjoying it again.

I have run a half marathon before, believe it or not. In 2006, I ran the IU Mini, which has become known as one of the hardest half-marathon courses because of all the hills. But, at the time I was training for it, I was about 70 pounds lighter than what I am now and I was in the best shape of my life. Perhaps when I get faster and won’t have to devote as much time to training, and when I’m in better shape, I’ll consider tackling a longer distance.

I do not feel like I am quitting or making any kind of concession. In fact, I know I’m saving myself in a way…because if I continued on trying to get to 13 miles in this manner, I’m sure I’d get so frustrated that I’d probably quit altogether.

And, most importantly, I am very proud of myself. I can run 3 miles without walking. There are quite a few middle-aged, overweight folks who can’t say that!

Today is the second annual Ada Lovelace Day. For more information about who Ada was and why she has her own day, please see Finding Ada.

To help promote and celebrate the first event last year, I pledged to blog about the achievements of women in technology and science, and I fulfilled that pledge. I’m doing the same thing this year…hence this post.

Obviously, if one reviews the inconsistent posts in both my personal and professional blogs, one will see that the issue of women working in technology is one of my personal passions.  So, I’d like to take the opportunity of this post to explain why that is.

First, I am a woman, and I work in technology.  But, it wasn’t until I enrolled in grad school a few years ago that it became a passion.  I took a class on “Gender & Computing” that really opened my eyes to the inequalities that exist for women with technology…and it’s not just for those who work in technology.  There are also plenty of negative stereotypes about women using and understanding technology, much less fixing it (which I used to do) and designing it (which I currently do).

I guess that’s a good thing that it took 13 years for me to become aware of the issues.   That says a lot about my employers.  While I’ve always been in the minority at my jobs, I’ve been extremely lucky to have mostly supportive bosses. I also have to admit that I benefit from the inherent privilege of being white and middle class.  That’s why it took reading about people who were not in my situation to open my eyes to ‘the problem’.

And, now as I write this post, I find myself struggling with how to define ‘that problem’.  It’s just so huge and complex, it’s hard to give it the right words.

For one, as I mentioned before, there are negative stereotypes about women’s ability to understand and use technology.  An easy way to see this demonstrated is to go to YouTube and do a search on “Women and technology”.  The results you’ll get will mostly be videos of women misusing or struggling to use technology.  However, if you do a search on “Men and technology”, you get no such results.  Now, misogynists might argue that the reason is that only women have problems using technology. But, because of my work on a helpdesk, I know that for a fact it is not true.  I took calls from many, many men who did not understand how to use computers.  This transfers to other kinds of technology…what images does the term “women drivers” conjure in your head, yet which gender has higher insurance rates because it’s more likely to be involved in crashes?

There are many studies out there that show the number of women entering technological fields, and the number of women staying in technological fields, continue to decrease.  And, there are many theories as to why. One is that women just don’t have the aptitude that men do when it comes to things like science and math.

And, as a result, women don’t deserve to make the same salary as men.

And, there are many, many, many more, but the one that irks me the most is the stereotype that ‘women just aren’t interested in technology’.

That notion is really just way too simplified and doesn’t look at the issue deeply enough.  Yes, there are fewer female computer programmers and mechanics.  And, a lot of girls in middle and high school will tell you that they don’t have a preference for those things.  But, the question we should be asking is WHY DON’T THEY? Where does this preference (or lack thereof) come from?

An interest in technology is not a given. Boys don’t come out of the womb ready to create a character in WoW and rebuild a Corvette engine.  What humans define as ‘interesting’ is shaped by society.  It’s called ‘social constructionism‘.

Every day we see and experience things that shape who we want to become.  Sometimes it is subtle, like the fact that on the boxes of toy construction kits, there are always only boys pictured playing with them.  Sometimes it is more harsh, like the caller who laughed at me when I told him I was the third-level helpdesk technician and not a secretary.  A young boy is much more likely to be asked to help his dad repair, while the girl is much more likely to be asked to help her mom cook.

That’s where these “preferences” come from.  They aren’t caused by X or Y chromosomes; they are caused by the beliefs and actions of the society we live in.

We can’t change the chromosomes, but we can change society.  Increasing the numbers of women who work in technology is just one way. There are many other ways, I’m sure.  But, lets start small, shall we?  How about we all first agree to  not blindly accept that ‘women just aren’t technical’?

That’s why I am passionate about this issue, and I invite you to join me.